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Post by Barrow-wight aka MELLON on May 5, 2003 13:43:29 GMT
Let's start our true stories section with Genesis.  ********** One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord */, I have a problem." "What's the problem, Eve?" "I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." "And why is that Eve?" "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "Man? What is that Lord?" "A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he is aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he will also need your advice to think properly." "Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch Lord?" "Well,..... You can have him on one condition." "And what's that Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring ... so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret. . .. . You know, woman to woman." ********** */ , Pina, here is the proof that I got your title "She-Lord of Balrogs" actually right ! Though I may have not bothered with "she" specification for from this it is obvious who the "Lord" stands for ! ;D |
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Post by Pina on May 6, 2003 23:57:21 GMT
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Post by Pina on May 10, 2003 0:51:15 GMT
Why Men Are Just Happier People!
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
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Post by Barrow-wight aka MELLON on Jun 25, 2003 19:09:29 GMT
LMAO ... ;D Today is the day of "pearls", lol ... Look across the boards what collection of truths we have produced in mere day ! LOL ;D
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Post by Pina on Jul 22, 2003 18:33:21 GMT
Another true story (sad but true!) ;D Please remember the following words of wisdom, "Life is not like a box of chocolates!!Life is like a jar of jalapenos!!What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow." 
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Post by WILLOW on Jul 26, 2003 16:30:33 GMT
HISTORY OF MEDICINE
2000 BC: Here, eat this root.
1000 BC: That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1805 AD: That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1840 AD: That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 AD: That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 AD: That antibiotic doesn't work anymore. Here, eat this root.
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